Being pregnant, and having a baby…

Now when you have been told for years the you can’t/won’t/shouldn’t have kids and you find out you are indeed pregnant and going to have a baby, a small amount of fear kicks in.  For me it became a huge problem.  I was terrified of losing this baby.  At the 9 week ultrasound I cried seeing my little lovely blob on that screen, and when that little blob moved its arm stub and looked like it was waving I was hooked.  I will do anything and everything to make sure I carry this baby to term in the most healthy way possible.  Crazy Momma Bear was born. I immediately cut out all caffeine, processed foods, no nitrates and I got the book “What To Expect When You’re Expecting”  shortly followed by “What To Eat When You’re Expecting.”    I cannot stress it enough, do not waste your money on these books!  All they did was add to the fear that I already had.  “Don’t eat nitrates, they cause neural tube defects.” “Don’t have caffeine it causes premature birth and low birth weight.”  “If you want more information buy our other book.” I hate fear propaganda, and I hate it even more when people use fear to get more out of others.  If you are Canadian and you want more info I highly recommend “Pregnancy Day by Day”  its more text book style, and has photos and medical information for every day of pregnancy, labor and a few weeks postpartum.  But I digress.

My pregnancy was fairly lackluster.  I did have hyperemesis g.  so I was incredibly ill the entire time.  For the first 4 months all I could keep down was triscuits and green grapes – don’t even try the red ones!  At 9 weeks pregnant I had to quit my job as a cook at my most favorite place of employment ever Black And Blue Restaurant due to being so sick and so sensitive to smells I spent my entire shift holding myself up or puking.  Not really great for business.  The rest of the pregnancy was great, I embraced my growing body. loved and adored my baby bump and really truly did not care about the number on the scale.  For one of the first times in my life I was actually happy with who I was and who I was becoming.

On new years eve B proposed to me with my dream ring.  Marriage was something we had been talking about before the pregnancy, so it wasn’t a huge surprise but it was amazing to be proposed to with actual fireworks in the background.  We toasted the engagement with grape juice in wine glasses.

At 20 weeks my women’s intuition was confirmed, I was indeed having a girl, and everything looked perfectly healthy.  All I had left to do was give birth, which I also ‘knew’ was going to happen early.

Sure enough at 38 weeks exactly, May 28th, 2014 went into labor.  I had started having labor pains about a week before.  I remember telling my doula that it felt like I was wearing hot yoga shorts of pain, because that’s where it hurt.  I won’t go into all the gory details but after 42 hours of labor, 36 hours of that being hard labor my baby girl was born by emergency c section.  She was transverse and face up, not ideal for a first pregnancy, to top it off I didn’t dilate past 5cm and the baby didn’t drop.  My dream of having a drug free natural birth was crushed (though I did go 36 hours drug free.) I got an epidural after 36 hours, at this point I was only 3cm, I knew I couldn’t keep going.   The epi relaxed me and in 1 hour I moved to 5cm, the doctors and were hopeful that things would progress.  They didn’t.  I got sent with B to go do my emergency section.  Once I was prepped the doctors started cutting, and I FELT EVERYTHING!  The anesthesiologist rushed to give me more drugs and they tried again and I could still feel them cutting.  Imagine the trauma for myself and for BThis poor man has just watched his fiancé have contractions every 2 minutes for the last 36 hours, watched me cry in pain and beg for an epidural, now she can FEEL everything that she isn’t supposed to, the man was a mess. So now I’m put under general anesthetic, B is rushed out of the room and they proceed to take away even my back-up birth plan away from me.  I won’t get my delayed cord clamping, nor will I get immediate skin to skin.  It ends up being 4 hours before I recover enough to meet my baby girl.  When I finally do I cry, my heart explodes with love and I do the one and only thing I wanted that is still in my birth plan, I rip off that stupid newborn hat and let the oxytocin’s take over.   I snuggle my girl, get in skin to skin and attempt to breast feed her for the first time.  Success!


Ok I guess I did tell you all the gory details.

smurf 20 Weeks


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